


Reluctant Survivor

by ptyx



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-14
Updated: 2005-08-14
Packaged: 2017-10-11 20:16:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/116658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ptyx/pseuds/ptyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus didn't expect to survive the war. But Harry needs his help - again!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the H/C MiniFest, run by Arsenic Jade.
> 
> Betaed by Charlie B. and Spinning Compass.

**Reluctant Survivor**

 

 **Chapter 1 - Survivors**

 

"Potter? What... ?"

Harry started: Snape was finally recovering full consciousness. Harry was tired of waiting there, sitting in a chair at the foot of Severus Snape's bed in St Mungo's. Two days before, Snape had emerged from his coma, and relatives and friends had been allowed into his room. However, no one had come to visit him besides McGonagall and Harry. His friends, if he had any, were probably all Death Eaters, too busy being chased by the Aurors. McGonagall, as the Headmistress of Hogwarts, couldn't stay at St Mungo's for a long time. To everyone's surprise, Harry had offered to stay with him.

It was the least he could do for the person who had saved his life, but the truth was Harry had another reason to stay.

"Snape."

"What happened?"

"You threw yourself in front of me and took the _Avada Kedavra_ Voldemort cast on me."

"I know that, Potter. What I don't understand is... why I am alive. Unless you have died too, and we are in hell. I wouldn't be surprised if we were."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Why the heck did I want you to wake up?"

"I haven't the least idea, but if you don't answer my question I... aaah!"

Snape had tried to stand up and failed, too dizzy to move. Harry put a hand on his arm.

"Stay put. You have been in coma for many days, and you only started to regain consciousness yesterday."

"What I don't understand is why I am alive," repeated Snape.

"When the Killing Curse hit you, you fell, apparently dead. But a phoenix came from the sky, landed by your side and..."

"This is stupid. No one survives an _Avada Kedavra_... Damn. I should have known. This must have something to do with Albus. He must have created a horcrux for me, or contrived another stratagem."

"Is this possible?"

"I don't know, Potter, but Albus never stopped meddling in my life, even after..."

Harry caught a pained look on Snape's face, and knew it wasn't just a physical pain. "Have some rest, you're still too weak," said Harry, his hand still resting on his former teacher's arm.

Snape closed his eyes and fell asleep again. Harry went back to his chair at the foot of Snape's bed and kept observing him.

Snape, ex-Death Eater, ex-Potions master and Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. Snape, who had told Voldemort about the prophecy, hence causing the deaths of Harry's parents. Snape, Dumbledore's murderer. And now Snape, the one who saved him from Voldemort and was apparently saved by the phoenix. How many mysteries were hidden behind that inscrutable face, sometimes clouded by strong emotions that Harry couldn't decipher?

Snape became agitated, thrashing around in the bed. A nightmare, thought Harry. He had had a lot of them the previous day. Many times Harry had heard Snape begging Dumbledore not to ask him to do _that_ , or reliving episodes of _Cruciatus_ and other dark spells. Now Snape seemed to be reliving a very painful moment. "Lily... Forgive me... I didn't know."

Harry bit his lip and experienced a nauseous feeling. Snape... and his mother?

 

~*~*~

 

Harry was awakened by a shake of his shoulder and an insistent voice. "Wake up, Potter."

Harry groaned. "What is it, Snape? Leave me alone."

"Where is my wand?"

"I hid it to prevent them from taking it from you," Harry snarled.

Snape stayed quiet for a moment. "I see. I'm a prisoner here. This is St Mungo's, I suppose?"

"Yeah."

"So they will take me straight to Azkaban. Why are you here? Why aren't you celebrating with your friends, giving interviews to the _Prophet_ , snogging your girlfriend or creating havoc?"

"Because that'd be too boring, Snape, and I'd rather stay near the man I most hate in the world waiting for him to regain consciousness."

"If you are doing this out of guilty conscience or a sense of duty, forget it. Nothing I did to defeat the Dark Lord was because of you. You can go. Leave me alone."

"I know! I know it wasn't because of me. It was because of my mother, wasn't it? You loved her."

Snape's face showed surprise, then pain, and finally anger. "That is not your business."

"I should have known. Dumbledore practically told me, but I was too young to understand."

"And you are so much mature now," said Snape, but in a tired voice, and with far less venom than usual.

Harry didn't even register the slight insult. "What was she like? No one talks to me about her."

Snape shook his head. "This can only be hell. Why else would I be here, alive, sick and having to listen to James Potter's son's questions about his mother?"

Harry sank in his chair, disheartened. "I only wanted to know what she was like."

"Potter, each person who describes her will give you a different view. You will never know how she was."

"Thank you very much. I should've known you'd give very enlightening answers."

Snape sighed. "And you think you are so mature."

Harry didn't reply, and silence stretched. When their eyes met, Snape said, "She was intelligent, fun and..." Snape averted his eyes from Harry's "... she was the only person who was brave enough to talk to me. I have always been..."

"Weird?"

Snape glared daggers at him, and didn't reply.

Lupin had said Lily was very popular. Harry could understand why a boy like Snape - Harry remembered seeing him in the pensieve, stringy and pallid like a plant kept in the dark - could fall for a girl like Lily. Harry didn't want to ask further; it would be indecent. "Let's sleep, okay? I'm tired."

Harry took off his robes and put on a nightshirt. Snape didn't take his eyes off him, and suddenly Harry felt embarrassed. He couldn't understand why - after all, they were both male - but he was too tired to think about it. He slipped beneath the blankets and turned to face Snape, who was still staring at him in the half-darkness.

"Potter, just tell me one thing," Snape said, his voice low and controlled. "You hate me. You have always hated me, and you blame me for Dumbledore's death. Then..."

"No. I don't blame you for Dumbledore's death. I blame _myself_."

"What nonsense is this?"

"Do you think I don't know? My friends and me did a lot of research to find the locket and destroy the spell. And we found out that that potion I forced Dumbledore to drink was a poison for which there are no antidotes. Dumbledore was going to die anyway. Because of me."

Harry closed his eyes, but opened them when he heard Snape snorting.

"Don't be an idiot. Albus was dying since he tried to destroy the horcrux spell encased into the ring and was hit by the protection spells. I could only delay his death, but he wouldn't have resisted much longer. Knowing he had only a few months of life, he devoted all his time to the search for the horcruxes, and he knew very well he wouldn't survive. He was aware that the Dark Lord had ordered Draco to kill him, and that I had been forced to make an Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa. He made me promise I would kill him when the moment was right, that is to say, when _he_ decided so. And I obeyed him, as I always did."

Each of Snape's words made Harry's heart beat faster. Harry had no reason to doubt him. He knew how Dumbledore could be persuasive and authoritative. He himself had been required to promise blind obedience to Dumbledore, which had led him to force the Headmaster to drink a potion that would end up killing him. Harry knew that what Snape was telling him was the only explanation that made sense. For a whole year, he had hated Snape more than he hated Voldemort. And now he was realising how mistaken he had been. "I'm sorry," he managed to say to the man he once loathed.

Snape closed his eyes. "I am too, Potter. More than you can imagine."

 

~*~*~

On the fourth day, Snape seemed to be feeling better, which meant he had recovered his full ability to be a prick. "Don't you have anything else to do?" he asked. "Shouldn't you be studying? Hasn't Hogwarts reopened yet?"

"I'm not going back," Harry replied.

"Are you insane? Didn't you want to be an Auror?"

"I've changed my mind."

"Potter, just because you are the Golden Boy and saved the Wizarding World again it doesn't mean you can..."

Harry lost it. "Enough! Spare me your sermons, okay? By the way, you're wrong, as always. I haven't saved anyone."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at your Mark."

Snape frowned. Then he pulled his left arm from beneath the sheets, pulled up his nightshirt sleeve and observed his Mark. It was rather pale, but it hadn't disappeared. Just like the first time Voldemort had been defeated. "How..."

"I don't know, Snape, I don't know how. I, Dumbledore and my friends destroyed all the six horcruxes: the diary, Salazar Slytherin's ring and locket, Helga Hufflepuff's cup, Rowena Ravenclaw's wand and Nagini. And we killed Voldemort. However, somehow, he's still alive."

A strange light sparked in Snape's eyes, inscrutable and lifeless until then. "There is another horcrux left intact."

" _I_ am a horcrux," Harry snapped.

Snape lifted his upper torso, his face contorting in shock. "That is too horrible to be conceived."

"But it's true. Hermione warned me about this possibility, but I didn't want to believe it. Yet, it's the only possible explanation."

Snape pushed off the sheets and sat at the side of the bed. "Potter, take me out of here. Let's go to a safe place, just you and me."

"But you still haven't recovered completely!"

"There is no time to lose. Apparate with me, now."

Harry ran his hand through his unruly hair, not knowing what to do. Then Snape pulled him closer. "Apparate now, otherwise I will have to take more drastic measures."

"Take your hands off me," said Harry, angry, and felt a strange regret seeing Snape flinch. "Let's do this right, okay? You're sick, and if you splinch yourself, you'll be screwed."

Harry showed Snape a parchment with a statement by Aberforth Dumbledore, held Snape's arm firmly and focused on his house in Hogsmeade.

 

~*~*~

 

 **Chapter 2 - Decisions**

 

The terraced house where Harry had lived since he had come of age was protected by a Fidelius Charm. Aberforth, the Secret Keeper, was also the owner of the house, but he preferred to live in one of the Hog's Head's rooms. The house had a small parlour, a living room and a kitchen in the ground floor; two bedrooms - one of which was piled with boxes of miscellaneous objects Aberforth had left there - and a bathroom in the first floor. There was a tiny but lush garden in the back.

Harry concentrated upon his destination, and they Apparated straight onto Harry's bed, because Snape wasn't supposed to be on his feet yet. Harry had heard the Trainee Healer telling Snape that morning that he needed to rest, otherwise he risked slipping into coma again.

"What a mess," Snape complained, sweeping his eyes over Harry's bedroom. Indeed, there was an open trunk on the floor and things scattered all over.

"I'm sorry, Snape, but I don't have house-elves working for me, and I had no time to clean the house for you," Harry snapped, standing up and adjusting the pillow and the blankets so that Snape could lie down.

But Snape wasn't taking any of that. "Stop it. Sit down. We have decisions to make."

"You must stay in bed!"

"The destiny of the Wizarding World depends upon our next decision and you choose precisely this moment to be concerned with such a trifle as my well-being?"

Harry couldn't help a half-smile. "I am special, you know."

Snape glared at him. "Special or not, you have very few options. The wisest one would be to kill me now."

"To kill you?" Harry looked at him astonished, and then smirked. "Great. The idea of getting rid of you is quite interesting and satisfying. There's just one problem: I don't know how this would help me to finish Voldemort for good."

"Very funny, Potter. However, I hope you are mature enough to understand how grave the situation is. What I am proposing here is that you kill me and create a horcrux with my death."

His blood freezing in his veins and making him dizzy, Harry sat at the edge of the bed. "You want me to kill you and create a horcrux? N-no. No way."

"Don't be foolish. Why not?"

"This is the Dark Arts at their worst."

"And you are too pure for the Dark Arts." Snape snorted. "Dumbledore's man through and through."

"Well, I'm very proud of it!"

Snape sighed. "I should have known. You, Gryffindors, are a pain-in-the-neck."

"Oh, you are Slytherin through and through." Harry's voice dripped sarcasm. "Sacrificing yourself for the others is a typical Slytherin trait."

"We do what we have to do, when the time is right."

"Really? Then you won't mind if I ask you to kill _me_. Because that's the right thing to do. If you kill me now, it's the end of Voldemort. I suppose he hasn't found a lackey to give him a new body yet; it's not an easy spell, and his closest friends are all dead, imprisoned in Azkaban or hiding from the Aurors. But he'll find someone eventually. If we wait too long, we'll lose the opportunity."

"Exactly. That's why I'm saying we have to do it now."

"So you agree to do it?"

"To kill you? Of course not."

"Why not? You agreed to kill Dumbledore, who was your mentor and protector. Why not me, the son of your enemy, the obnoxious brat who only causes you problems?"

Snape's lips curved in a sardonic smile. "It's a very tempting proposal, Potter. I am afraid I will have to reject it, though. I have a life debt with your mother."

"With my mother? I thought it was with my father."

"Your father saved my life, it's true. However, as I have already told you, there wasn't anything noble in his act, considering he and his friends were the responsible for that very attempt of murdering me. It was your mother who made him go and save me. He would not have gone if Lily hadn't insisted."

Ah. Finally that old story started to make sense to Harry. Hearing Snape talking about his mother disturbed him. At first, Harry had thought it was because he had always idealised his parents' relationship, and had never imagined there could have been someone else in the life of either of them. Besides, it was highly disturbing to think that Snape, of all people, could have been that person. But now Harry was starting to realise there was another feeling growing within him, a feeling he couldn't understand very well: he was jealous of the obsessive love Snape devoted to his mother.

"Couldn't you pay this bloody debt by doing me the favour of killing me?" Harry asked ironically.

"I doubt your mother would be happy with that proposal."

Harry sighed. "Then we're at a dead end."

"There is a third way out of our impasse."

"What is it?"

"I can try to remove the piece of soul the Dark Lord encased in you."

Harry widened his eyes. "Is that possible?"

"Honestly, Potter, I don't know. I know, as much as you, how to remove the horcrux spell from objects. Albus explained the process to me in detail. When he considered the hypothesis of Nagini being a horcrux, he confessed he didn't know whether the removal would kill the snake or not."

"I... killed Nagini first, and removed the spell later," said Harry, dispirited.

"You did well. It was the most logical and practical way."

"Yes, but we still don't know if we can remove the spell from a living being whilst keeping them alive." Harry gave a deep breath. "Unfortunately, there's no other way, and no time to lose. Let's do it."

"There is no time to lose, but we should not be hasty. You must understand what might happen and be prepared. When I cast the removal spell over you, the piece of soul the Dark Lord put inside you might fragment itself and spread through your body. And your body might reject it; your soul might be unable to stand it, the same way the Dark Lord's soul couldn't possess you due to... certain particular traits of your soul."

 _Love,_ thought Harry, not without a dose of irony. "So what can I do?"

"Be mentally prepared for this inner fight, and clear your mind. Perhaps more than a single attempt will be necessary to remove the piece of the Dark Lord's soul from you; I will cast healing spells to minimise the effects upon you, and try not to cause you much stress."

"Right," said Harry, taking Snape's wand out of his pocket and handing it to him, shaking a little when he remembered all the times Snape had told him to "clear his mind" without any result.

 

~*~*~

 **Chapter 3 - _Expellianimula_**

 

Severus knelt in front of Harry, touched his scar with the tip of his wand and cast the spell. " _Expellianimula!_ "

Harry shouted with all the might of his voice and lungs, and clung to Severus. Closing his eyes, Severus concentrated his mind and started chanting the healing spell. It was an intense spell, and required all Severus's power of empathy and compassion. Or love in its wider sense: Agape. When the mental connection was established, Severus felt lighter, as if he were floating in the infinite space. A sense of peace and belonging swept over him.

Feeling Harry relax in his arms, Severus opened his eyes. Harry had lost consciousness. Severus disentangled himself carefully from Harry's arms and laid him on his bed. Severus had barely straightened up when Harry started to convulse. The green eyes rolled up and his back arched off the bed. Harry began to shake violently, limbs flailing wildly. To prevent him from falling down or hurting himself, Severus lay on top of him, pinning his arms and legs to the bed. After about two minutes, Harry stopped thrashing. Severus sat on the bed beside him. Pulling the young man up against himself, Severus folded his arms across him, holding Harry's back against his chest. This way, if Harry had another seizure, Severus could control his upper body, protecting his head and neck. The legs could kick and thrash all they wanted. Severus was exhausted. Besides not being fully recovered from the Killing Curse, the spells he had to cast over Harry and the effort to prevent Harry from hurting himself had drained his last bit of strength. In spite of all the tension he was feeling, Severus fell asleep holding Harry firmly against his body.

Severus awakened about half an hour later. Harry was still unconscious, but breathing steadily and easily. Severus looked at his own arm and saw that the Mark hadn't disappeared, but had paled further. He sighed. Unfortunately, the nightmare hadn't ended.

Harry mumbled and opened his eyes. "What is it?"

"It seems the piece of soul has been only partially destroyed. We will have to repeat the spell."

Dismay reflected in the young man's face. "I'm so tired!"

"We will not do it now. I am drained too. We must regain strength. Do you have anything edible here, Potter?"

Harry tried to rise up, but Severus held him down. "Don't move. Stay in bed. Or rather... _Wingardium Leviosa!_ " Severus made Harry levitate along with the mattress and propped the bed up against the wall. Then he lowered the mattress to the floor.

"Why did you do that?"

"You had a seizure. If it happens again, you will not fall off your bed."

"Oh, shit... Will it ever end?"

"Language, Potter. Behave yourself and stay in your bed. I will search your kitchen for something to cook for us."

Severus was already on the threshold when he heard Harry calling him. "Snape!"

"What is it?"

"The garden. You're going to love the garden."

 

~*~*~

 

Indeed, the garden was like an oasis in the desert, and would be their salvation. With what he gathered there, Severus could prepare a good vegetable broth. In the kitchen, he found a packet of crackers. It wasn't exactly a feast, but he and Harry were not up to heavy meals.

There were also many herbs in the garden, ingredients that could be used to concoct healing potions. Severus gathered camomile, mugwort, ginger, hellebore, and a moonstone he found on the ground. He wouldn't be able to prepare a Calming Potion or even an Invigoration Draft, but with those ingredients he could make up a potion that would be calming and invigorating at the same time. The cauldron Harry used at school was inside the trunk in Harry's bedroom, and Severus summoned it from the kitchen.

Half an hour later, Severus levitated two trays, each with a bowl of broth, a plate of crackers and a mug of potion to Harry's bedroom. He helped Harry sit up and arrange himself comfortably, then set a tray on Harry's lap. He put his own tray on the dresser, cast a Pack spell to put all scattered things into the trunk, turned a chair to face Harry, sat on it and started to eat his broth.

"I didn't know you could cook," Harry said. "It's tasty!"

"I am not a Chef, but I can certainly cook. I don't have a house-elf working for me either. In Spinner's End, I mean."

"You shouldn't be taking care of me. You need medical care too."

"If I go back to St Mungo's, they will take me to Azkaban immediately."

"I know. I reckon they only let me stay with you because I hinted I might, you know, watch over you while I was there. They were freaking scared of you and what you might do when you recovered consciousness. Blimey, you've survived a Killing Curse!"

Severus himself couldn't understand how he had done it. But there was something else that Severus couldn't understand. "Why did you want to stay with me?"

Harry swallowed the cracker he was munching. "When you were hit by Voldemort's _Avada Kedavra_ and the phoenix was gone, I approached you. I noticed you were alive, but also that the Mark hadn't disappeared completely. I was intrigued. While you were in coma, I thought about everything that had happened and concluded that Hermione's theory about me being a horcrux must be right. Then I decided to stay in St Mungo's and talk to you. I hoped you would know more about it."

Severus pondered. "I didn't know. I don't even know if _he_ knew."

"Could it have been involuntary?"

"If he planned to create a horcrux with your death and Lily cast a spell to protect you, perhaps something has gone wrong and he hasn't even realised. But now he must know."

Harry finished his broth, and Severus made him drink the potion. Severus also drank his. When they emptied their mugs, Severus cast a cleaning spell and a Banishing Charm to send the dishes back to the kitchen.

Then Severus conjured another mattress, with sheets, blankets and pillow, beside Harry's, and lay down. "Perhaps we should call another member of the Order to try and remove the piece of the Dark Lord's soul from you. I am not at my best, and we may take several days to do it," said Severus, sleepily staring at Harry.

"I don't want to call anyone else. You're the best. I know you are."

"Stubborn and irritating as always," Severus grumbled, not without a bit of pride for the trust the young man put in him.

 

~*~*~

 **Chapter 4 - Exorcism**

 

Harry's memories of those days when they were going through the "exorcism", as they had started to call it, were very hazy. In the morning, Snape would bring him tea and toast. After they had tea, Snape would cast the removal spell. Harry always felt as if he had been suddenly thrown through the air: a chill and a sinking feeling in his stomach, and a sense of being blown to bits. The healing spells that followed felt like Snape was caressing his very soul. The weirdest thing of all was that Harry felt very close to Severus at those moments, and longed for them. Then Harry would lose consciousness and wake up in Severus's arms after one or more seizures, feeling supported, comforted, protected and... very confused.

He was beginning to get used to waking up enveloped by Snape's body, smelling Snape's scent, hearing Snape's breath and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, and that sensation was not unpleasant in the least. On the contrary; nothing had ever felt more _right_.

Harry would stay in bed until midday, when Snape would bring him lunch. In the afternoon, Harry usually felt better and managed to get up and help Snape with the house chores.

On the second day Snape spent in Harry's house, Snape transfigured his nose, eyebrows and hair to go out and buy groceries and ingredients for potions. Harry almost choked of laughter when he saw Snape with a snub nose and strawberry blonde hair.

"You should do that in Hogwarts. This way no one would talk about your big nose or your greasy hair. Hm... On second though, it's still greasy..."

Snape glared daggers at him. Harry could almost hear him saying "ten points from Gryffindor", and pitied his former teacher, now disarmed and helpless to the point of having to swallow his pride and accept Harry's money.

Each day Snape's Mark became paler.

Each day Harry felt closer to Snape.

 

~*~*~

 

At night, they each slept on their own mattress, side by side; Snape in a green nightshirt he had transfigured from one of Harry's t-shirts, and Harry in his pyjamas.

On the third night, Harry had a dreadful nightmare. He dreamt Voldemort had come back and was killing Snape, not with a Killing Curse, but with repeated _Cruciatus_ curses, and Harry couldn't do anything, because Voldemort had cast a Freezing Charm on him.

He woke up with Snape shaking him. "Potter! It's just a dream."

When Harry saw Snape, he grabbed his upper arm tightly. "You're alive."

Snape stared at him, intrigued. "What have you been dreaming of, Potter?"

"It was horrible, I don't want to tell you." Harry stayed silent for a few moments. "Er... do you have to call me Potter? You say it with so much hate."

"It's out of habit."

"You mean you don't hate me?"

Snape made an impatient movement. "What do you think?"

"That if you hated me, you wouldn't help me like this."

"I have already told you; it is not for you that I am here."

"Yeah. I'm not special or important. I know. But would you do the same, if you hated me?"

"Stop it. I never hated you."

"Oh, you were quite convincing, at Hogwarts."

"I always knew I would have to go back and spy on the Dark Lord. I had to pretend to despise you." Snape sneered. "I daresay it wasn't a difficult task, though."

"Git."

"I had enough of your insults and your silly chatter. Now let me sleep."

 

~*~*~

When Harry awakened, Snape was still asleep, his face turned to him. Snape's expression was calm - at least calmer than usual. Harry remembered his nightmare, and his heart shrunk. Almost unconsciously, he reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of Snape's face. Yes, it was greasy. Snape washed it almost every day and it was still greasy. Harry squirmed closer to him, felt his warmth, smelled his scent, and let his hand rest on his hair.

Snape wasn't handsome at all, but he was attractive in a mysterious way. And when Harry thought of everything Snape had done and was doing for him, he felt a deep gratitude and tenderness. And also a strong desire to touch him.

Snape opened his eyes and Harry froze. Realising he had his hands on Snape's hair and probably a very stupid look in his face, Harry blushed. Snape frowned. Harry removed his hand. Snape narrowed his eyes at him, but none of them said anything, and Snape fell asleep again.

What was happening with him? What did he want? For Snape to grab him, kiss him and declare his undying love for him? But Harry wasn't gay, or was he? And Ginny? Harry loved Ginny, didn't he?

Harry was very, very confused.

 

~*~*~

 

On the afternoon of the fifth day, Harry was feeling much better. The Mark was now only a pale shadow on Snape's arm. They were having tea when an owl arrived bringing a message from McGonagall to Harry, saying everyone was concerned because he had disappeared, and urging him to return to Hogwarts and finish his studies.

"She is absolutely right," Snape commented. "Classes are starting now. You still can go back and..."

"Are you going to go back to Hogwarts?" Harry asked.

"I? I have never contemplated the possibility of surviving this war. This hadn't changed: my future is the Dementor's kiss."

"They don't use Dementors any more."

"Then I will be executed, or imprisoned in Azkaban for life."

"You won't be. You're a git, but I won't let 'em."

Snape snorted. "Always thinking you have the world at your feet. How typical of you, Potter."

Harry smiled. Snape's insults didn't bother him any more, because he knew they were part of his intrinsic snarkiness; there was no intention to hurt.

"I killed the villain, didn't I? With your help, I admit." Harry gave a condescending smile. "You didn't answer the question, as always..."

"Will I return to Hogwarts? After all that happened?" Snape flinched visibly. "No. I wouldn't want to live at Hogwarts with all those reminders. I wouldn't be able to live with the memories of Albus. It would be too terrible. I really... didn't expect to live."

Harry put down his cup and placed his hand on Snape's, squeezing it slightly. Snape cast him a surprised look, and kept staring at him. Harry felt him probing his mind, and let him. He had never learned Occlumency, and Snape's probing didn't bother him. He wanted Snape to understand his feelings.

Snape frowned, and a slight flush coloured his face. "Foolish Gryffindor," said Snape, turning his hand beneath Harry's and interlacing their fingers. "And you? What are you going to do with your life?"

Snape was slowly tracing the back of Harry's hand with his fingertips. Harry needed all his control not to moan aloud.

"I don't know. I want to help people, but I'm tired of fighting dark wizards."

"You could learn to break dark spells and curses."

"Like you do?"

Their eyes met again, and there was a fire so intense sparkling in Snape's eyes that Harry had to avert his eyes, lest he would burn... But then he focused on Snape's lips, and he felt lost, because all he could think of was how they would feel against his.

Snape's voice awakened him from his reverie. "When I rejoined the side of the Order, Albus taught me Occlumency, Legilimency and healing spells. He used to say I had... the phoenix gift." Snape squeezed Harry's hand gently. "I never managed to teach you anything, but if you are willing, I can teach you how to heal most dark spells."

Harry could only nod. He had never felt anything like what he was feeling for Snape right now. He was speechless, and his heart pounded wildly. Snape stood up and started clearing the table, and Harry swallowed hard.

 

~*~*~

On that night, when Harry slipped beneath the blankets, Snape, who was lying in bed reading an academic journal on Potions he had bought the day before, set the journal down and turned to face Harry. Once again, the dark eyes probed him mercilessly, burning him so intensely that Harry had to close his eyes. Then Snape's lips brushed his gently, even hesitatingly. Harry put his hand on the back of Snape's neck to hold him there. For a long moment, their lips just touched, warm, soft, pliable, making Harry long for more. The initial surprise - Snape was kissing him! - gave place to arousal, and Harry parted his lips to let Snape's tongue slither inside. Almost hesitatingly, Harry's tongue slid into Snape's mouth, tasting it, exploring it, meeting Snape's tongue in a sensual dance and flicking teasing strokes against his teeth and soft palate.

Eyes closed, Harry savoured the sensations spreading from his mouth to the rest of his body. He ran his hands down Snape's arms from the broad shoulders to the slim waist, tracing the firm muscles beneath the nightshirt. Harry didn't know where to focus - on Snape's hands roaming his body, on the soft lips pressed to his, or on the heat and pressure gathering in his groin.

Harry moaned. Snape tore his lips from his and rolled a bit to the side. "Is this all right?"

"Yes," Harry panted.

Snape leant his head. Harry thought he was going to kiss him again, but the thin lips found his earlobe, and Harry whimpered. Snape flicked his tongue over the sensitive skin, then moved up around the curve of his ear, licking it thoroughly, sending tremors all through Harry's body. Snape blew gently in his ear, then slid his tongue down inside, mapping the ridges of skin. Harry couldn't swallow the moans evoked by the caresses.

Snape pulled down the blankets and lay beside Harry, pulling him into another kiss. This time Harry felt arousal surge with an almost unbearable strength. More than that: he felt Snape's erection pressing against his. The realisation that he was exchanging caresses with another man hit him, but excitement overcame inhibition. It was too much; Harry didn't know how to handle all this.

Snape tugged at the hem of his pyjama shirt, and Harry helped him to lift it up over his head. The glow of the single lamp they had left lit touched Harry's chest, allowing Harry to see the enraptured look on Snape's face. Harry had never found himself attractive, but that look convinced him that, at least at that moment, to Snape, he was the most attractive man in the world. Snape touched his chest almost reverently. Harry tugged at Snape's nightshirt and Snape got rid of it in no time.

Harry had only a glimpse of Snape's well-defined chest before Snape was all over him, capturing his lips and delving into his mouth.

Now their bare chests were touching skin-to-skin, and sensations magnified tenfold. Snape slowly licked the curve of Harry's neck and collarbone while his hands traced random patterns on Harry's back. Harry savoured Snape's caresses, whimpering and arching towards him. When Snape slid down the waistband of his pyjama pants and grabbed his buttocks with both hands, Harry kicked his pants down his legs and pressed his erection against Snape's thighs. Then Snape curled his fingers around Harry's cock, and Harry bit his lower lip not to moan in pleasure.

"Do you like that?" Snape asked in a low and hoarse whisper.

"Oh, God," Harry managed to say.

Snape captured his lips again, deft hand sliding slowly down Harry's length. Harry slipped a hand inside Snape's briefs and found his cock fully hard, dripping pre-come; Harry wrapped his fingers around it and squeezed it, rubbing his thumb over its tip. Snape let out a needy whimper, thrusting his hips towards Harry's. Harry took out Snape's cock and they started to rub their cocks together. Snape hooked a leg over Harry's hip, grinding their bodies, crushing him, biting and sucking his nipples and pumping their cocks using their pre-come as lube. Snape stroked harder and harder until Harry's cock started to throb and his whole body twitched, spurting his seed over both their hands. Snape milked him until every last drop. When Harry came back to his senses, Snape was observing him, a half-smile on his lips. Harry closed his hand around Snape's cock again and devoted all his attention to it, pumping it rhythmically, pressing its tip with the thumb, rolling Snape's balls with the other hand. Snape's breath became faster and uneven as Harry's hand moved quicker and quicker up and down Snape's length and gently over the tip. Finally, Snape groaned and, thrusting against Harry's hand one last time, shuddered in climax, tilting his head back and arching his hips.

Harry held him against his body and fell asleep listening to his heartbeat as it slowly returned to normal.

 

~*~*~

 

On the following day, Harry felt perfectly well after the "exorcism" session, except for a slight sleepiness. When Snape finished casting the healing spell and looked at his own arm, his face brightened. Seeing that the Mark had completely disappeared, they embraced each other in celebration. As on the previous night, they stroked each other and came in each other's hands.

Sated and sleepier than ever, Harry fell asleep.

When he woke up, he couldn't find Snape anywhere.

 

~*~*~

Trying not to panic and failing miserably, Harry Apparated to the Hog's Head. The tall, thin old man with long grey hair and a beard greeted him from behind the counter.

"Harry! What evils bring you here?"

"Snape has disappeared."

"Haven't you read the extra edition of the _Prophet_?"

Aberforth took a copy of the _Prophet_ from a counter shelf and handed it to Harry. The headlines said "Dumbledore's Murderer Surrenders".

"Oh, no. Why didn't he warn me?" Harry lifted his eyes to Aberforth. "Thanks, Aberforth, I'll have to go to the Ministry."

"Wait a little," Aberforth grumbled. "I'll go with you."


	2. Part 2

**Chapter 5 - Azkaban**

 

At least they had given him a private cell, thought Severus when the jailer closed the door and Severus found himself alone in the damp cell. Dampness didn't bother him either; his dungeons in Hogwarts were as damp as Azkaban. What frightened him was the idea of having to be alone with his own thoughts and conscience without being able to do anything to redeem himself, to free himself of his guilt.

However, he soon realised that his thoughts insisted on wandering to Harry. He shouldn't have left the young man without destroying any possibility of a relationship between them. The foolish Gryffindor might entertain misplaced hopes.

The truth was that Severus hadn't had the courage to do what he should have done, which was to reject Harry definitively.

But perhaps he could remedy that. It wouldn't be hard. Harry was still very naïve.

For a moment, even Severus had believed in that foolish dream. Severus knew he shouldn't have indulged, but how could he have resisted the intimacy, the warmth of the body of an attractive young man, visibly attracted to him? More than that, how to resist, after what he had read on Harry's mind? How to reject what he had always wanted and had always been denied?

 

~*~*~

 

The memories of Lily haunted him too. The beautiful, vivacious girl whom he helped in Potions classes. The girl who had become Slughorn's favourite, while he was despised. The girl whom he had blamed when his Potions book had ended up in the Marauders' hands. Perhaps it hadn't been her fault... Perhaps one of them had stolen it.

The only woman he had ever fallen in love with.

The young woman whose death he had caused, revealing the prophecy to the Dark Lord.

How could Harry have forgiven him for that, for having caused his parents' deaths? And how could Severus have been hypocritical to the point of sleeping with Lily's son?

He was really a monster, and deserved to be there.

 

~*~*~

There were times, however, when an impossible hope dawned in his soul. At those times, Severus would go as far as to wish the Dementors were still in Azkaban, because the most terrible thing was having to live with that useless feeling.

One afternoon, the jailer announced it was visiting day, and someone was waiting for him in the visiting room.

Severus let himself be led by the jailer, who gripped his arm harshly. As he entered the room, he glimpsed the lean silhouette and the dishevelled hair of Harry Potter at the other side of the glass.

"Severus..."

"I don't remember having given you permission to call me by my first name," said Severus, coldly. The hurt look on Harry's face impelled him to proceed. He had to put an end to that. "Why have you come here? Surely you don't think there is any possibility of something serious between us..." Severus smirked. "Is that what you thought? No, it's not possible, even you couldn't be so delusional!"

"Why are you...? I don't understand," said Harry with a pained look.

"The only person I have ever loved died because of you. You have her eyes. I confess that for a few moments it was good to think that you were Lily, in a way. I used you to feed my fantasy. But you are a Potter, through and through. I despise you."

Severus fixed his eyes on Harry, as if he was going to hit him with an _Avada Kedavra_ , and saw Harry wincing. Unable to stand it any longer, Severus turned his back on him and left the visiting room.

Back in his cell, Severus sank down to the floor, pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his hands.

 

~*~*~

 

During the following weeks, Severus's sombre routine had been broken only by visits of McGonagall and Arthur Weasley. Both had tried to cheer him up with what Severus considered typical Gryffindor gibberish, claiming he had done much for the Order and they wouldn't abandon him.

Tiberius Ogden, an important member of the Wizengamot and an old friend of Albus Dumbledore, visited him every week. He had been appointed his defence barrister. Just like Albus, Tiberius was a tall man with a long silver beard, but his expression was graver and tenser than Albus's had ever been. He looked very concerned about Severus, always inquiring about the events that had led to Albus's death. He kept advising him that he needed to trust him and believe he would be cleared. Severus answered all his questions, but insisted he wasn't going to defend himself in the Court. He knew it would be useless. The majority of the Order's members hated him, and neither the Ministry nor the Wizengamot would want to free a former Death Eater.

Above all, Severus, in deep depression, didn't think he deserved to be cleared. He had been responsible for the deaths of Lily, James, Albus, and not even he knew how many innocent Muggles.

Unfortunately, his wand had been taken from him. Otherwise, he would have already cast an _Avada Kedavra_ on himself.

The days dragged on, one like the next, until the moment when the jailer told him he was going to be led to the Wizengamot Courtroom to be judged.

They had him take a bath and gave him a normal robe.

 

~*~*~

 **Chapter 6 - Trial**

 

For the second time in his life, Severus entered the dungeons of Courtroom Ten, a large circular room with dark stone walls, dimly lit by torches. The benches were all filled, and the room was humming with chatter. He crossed the room escorted by two strong, muscled guards who had him sit in a chair in the centre of the room. When Severus sat, chains sprang from the chair and encircled him, immobilising him completely.

Bracing himself, Severus lifted his eyes to the rows of benches on the sides. There were many people in black - probably mourning one or more of the many casualties of war. He glimpsed Sprout and Hagrid among the crowd. A few rows above, Arthur and Molly Weasley, their son Ronald, their daughter Ginevra, and Hermione Granger. In the front benches, the fifty members of the Wizengamot stared at him, some with curiosity, and others with contempt. No one seemed to look at him with sympathy, but that was hardly a surprise. Beside Rufus Scrimgeour, the Minister for Magic, in the middle of the front row, a ruddy-faced wizard with a scrubby brown beard stood up. Severus recognised Amos Diggory, the new Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, who would preside over the session.

Silence fell as the judge began to speak.

"Severus Tobias Snape has been brought to trial in this Court on charges of immense gravity." Diggory opened a parchment and read the charges. "The charges on which the aforementioned Severus Snape will be tried are hereby set down:

1\. That the accused did bring about the murder of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore by the use of the Killing Curse;

2\. That the accused has been, for more than sixteen years, a member of an illegal organization, vulgarly termed 'the Death Eaters'."

Finally, Diggory addressed Severus. "Severus Snape. Do you understand the charges for which you are being tried?"

"I do," he replied.

"Then we will hear the opening speeches from both parties, starting with the prosecution. Madam Umbridge?"

Severus made a point of not paying attention to her speech. It was too humiliating to have Umbridge as his Interrogator.

When the fluttery voice of Umbridge silenced, Tiberius Ogden stood up. His amber robes highlighted the paleness of his face and hands. It was an impressive, charismatic figure. But Severus didn't pay attention to his speech either. He felt totally numb and alien to reality.

Suddenly, he realised the judge was addressing him, starting to interrogate him.

Severus lifted his eyes to Diggory. "I'm tired. I have the right to remain silent, I suppose."

"This right is guaranteed by the Wizengamot's laws, but your refusal to answer may be used against you."

"I don't care. I plead guilty."

Tumult spread throughout the Courtroom. Ogden claimed his defendant had a depressive condition caused by the residual effects of the Killing Curse, and his words should not be taken into account. Diggory insisted and asked Severus to give testimony.

"Leave me alone," Severus replied.

Diggory decided to proceed with the session and started to call the prosecution's witnesses.

Bellatrix was the first witness to enter, in chains. Severus couldn't help admiring her unswerving loyalty to the Dark Lord. Curiously, all things accounted for, her testimony could be considered favourable to him. By giving an account of the moment he and Narcissa had made the Unbreakable Vow, hadn't she given attenuating circumstances to his crime? Even if everyone believed he had killed Albus, perhaps they would understand that he didn't have an alternative. If he hadn't killed Albus, he would have died. That was not how it had happened; Severus would rather have died than kill Albus, if he had had any choice. But maybe that could make the difference between being executed and going to Azkaban for life. Not that Severus preferred the latter to the former.

After Bellatrix, the Interrogator called Filius Flitwick, who reported having been attacked by Severus when he entered Severus's office to warn him Hogwarts was being invaded by Death Eaters.

Poor Filius. He would never have attacked him, if there had been another option. Severus felt a new wave of guilt wash over him, and let his mind wander to reminiscences of those horrible moments before Albus's death.

The voice of Diggory calling Harry Potter to the witnesses' chair made Severus return to the present moment.

When his eyes met Harry's, Severus shuddered. Harry's determined look reminded him of Albus in his moments of rage - powerful, relentless and implacable.

Harry was, in fact, the only eyewitness of the crime present in the Court. Greyback and Amycus had died in the war; Alecto, Yaxley and Draco were in hiding.

Umbridge performed her role skilfully, asking Harry to describe the moment when Snape had cast the Killing Curse on Dumbledore. Severus noticed Harry had tried to be objective, but the Interrogator milked the moment in the most melodramatic way.

Ogden, however, showed his brilliance by making Harry describe the scene of Dumbledore's death again. Harry remarked that Snape and Dumbledore had exchanged a long look, and only then had Snape said " _Avada Kedavra_ "; a jet of green light had flown from his wand and Dumbledore had been blasted into the air. Harry also stressed that Dumbledore's eyes were closed when he had approached his body. Now, Ogden argued, this is not what it happens with a true Killing Curse. The body is not blasted into the air, and the eyes remain open. Ogden asked Harry if it wasn't possible that Snape had cast a non-verbal _Impedimenta_ and, afterwards, a fake Killing Curse. Harry pondered for a moment and finally replied that yes, that it might have been so.

Severus had to use all his control not to burst into hysterical laughter. Oh, the bizarre, convoluted theories the lawyers could make up! Unfortunately, none of that was true. Severus had really cast a Killing Curse - after all, it was the quickest, most painless way of killing. But if his barrister could make the judge buy that nonsense...

Only... it was strange, indeed, that Albus's body had been blasted into the air, and that his eyes were closed. Severus snorted silently. With Albus nothing was ever normal!

In reply to Ogden's questions, Harry described how Snape had saved his life in the final battle, throwing himself between Harry and Voldemort, and how Snape had destroyed the final horcrux, extracting the piece of soul Voldemort had encased in Harry. The audience was in awe, hanging on every word of Harry, and applauding him at the end.

Finally, Aberforth Dumbledore was called to the witness' chair, and entered bringing a pensieve in his hands.

Diggory explained the Court that the Wizengamot had had access to Albus Dumbledore's pensieve and had finally agreed that it constituted an important piece of evidence. Some technicians of the Ministry entered the Courtroom to install equipment that permitted the projection of the memories on a screen.

Severus's heart raced when the most important moments of his life that had any relation to Albus started to pass before his eyes as in a film. The moment when Sibyll Trelawney had made the prophecy and Severus had been caught eavesdropping behind the door. The moment when Severus, almost in tears, had revealed to Albus that the Dark Lord was after James and Lily Potter. The moment when Severus had confessed his remorse for having joined the Death Eaters, and offered himself as a weapon to defeat the Dark Lord. The moment when Albus had asked him to heal him from the curse that protected the ring. How Severus had stopped the spreading of the curse, delaying what he and Albus openly acknowledged as inescapable: Albus would not have lived for more than a few months after that. The moment when Albus had asked him to protect Draco and to preserve Severus's role as a spy by killing him when the time was right. And finally, a memory of Aberforth himself listening to Albus's instructions and receiving his memories. Albus said he was prepared for his next great adventure. He would try to ensure, with his death, a special protection to Severus, because Snape was the one who would be able to help Harry when necessary. Albus reaffirmed his trust in Severus. Aberforth asked him which protection that would be. Albus's figure seemed to glow when he said, "It's very ancient magic. With my sacrifice, I will give Severus a protection similar to the one Lily gave Harry when she died to save him."

The projection came to an end. Silent tears were flowing down Severus's face, and the whole room was in turmoil.

 _Damn you, Albus. I didn't want to kill you. And I didn't want to live after having killed you_ , thought Severus.

Diggory asked for silence and called Tiberius Ogden to deliver the final defence speech. Ogden listed the evidence that Dumbledore knew of his imminent death and planned, if not exactly the moment, the manner it would take place. He emphasised the trust Dumbledore placed in Snape, a fact confirmed by all the witnesses inquired by the Court. He stressed the fact that there wasn't any evidence that the curse Snape had cast on Dumbledore had been the Killing Curse, and that Harry Potter's testimony indicated exactly the opposite. He recalled, in eloquent words, how much the Wizarding World owed to Severus Snape, for saving Harry Potter's life and preventing the possibility of Lord Voldemort's return. And he closed his speech with a eulogy to Severus Snape's courage to risk his life and reputation for the sake of the Wizarding World.

Dolores Jane Umbridge did her homework too. She accused Severus Snape of being a hideous traitor, a deceiving snake who had always served the Dark Lord. After long laudatory references to Dumbledore, she blamed Severus Snape for having ended the life of the most generous and skilful contemporary wizard with the most unforgivable of curses.

When Umbridge's speech ended, the judges of the Wizengamot retired to an adjacent room to discuss the case and vote. Severus was taken out of the Courtroom and put in cell on the same floor. Severus waited there for more than one hour.

Finally, he was escorted back to Courtroom Ten. The members of the Wizengamot returned one by one, led by Griselda Marchbanks, the Chief Warlock, head of the Wizengamot.

Diggory addressed her. "Have you come to a decision?"

"Yes, your honour. We find the defendant, Severus Tobias Snape, not guilty on both charges, for lack of evidence."

Severus couldn't believe what he had just heard. But the chains that encircled him opened and he was free. As a symbol of Severus' absolution, Diggory returned his wand, and soon he was surrounded by people congratulating him and reporters asking him questions. Physically and emotionally drained, Severus was nearly at the point of fainting when the _siege_ was suddenly broken and Harry appeared to rescue him.

 

~*~*~

 

 **Chapter 7 - Dreams and Reality**

 

Harry had Side-Along-Apparated him to his house in Hogsmeade and was now facing him, less than one foot away from him. Severus returned the look, but didn't try to read his mind. Harry moved closer, and Severus had to come to grips with the strange reality that he was going to be kissed by Harry Potter.

Severus was so stunned he couldn't think of any reason why he should try and stop him.

When Harry tore his lips away, Severus stared at him firmly. "Could you please enlighten me as to which part of my dumping speech you didn't understand?"

"I'm a dreadful Legilimens, but I'm not a complete moron like you think. You fooled me for seven long years, but now I know you better. Now you don't fool me any more. At first I believed when you said you didn't care for me, but then I remembered all the things you've done... I remembered the way you looked at me when we were together. Then I thought, no one's that good an actor, not even Snape."

Severus shook his head. He couldn't understand what was happening. He was free. And he owed that, in great part, to that young Gryffindor he had rejected in such a cowardly way. It didn't make sense. It was frightening. Severus had prepared himself to face death or prison - not _this_.

"You must be tired and starving," Harry said. "Why don't you have a bath while I prepare dinner?"

 

~*~*~

The roast beef with creamy potato salad and the elf-made wine were excellent, but Severus stayed in silence, unable to relax. When they finished the desert, a chocolate truffle tart, Harry took Severus's hand between his.

Severus felt exasperated. "Why are you doing this? What do you want from me?"

The young man flashed him a surprised and hurt look. "What do you mean?"

"I don't understand. Why would you want to be with me, when there is a beautiful girl, full of life and youth, waiting for you?"

"How do you know about Ginny?" Harry looked at him, and widened his eyes. "Oh. Right. I should have learnt Occlumency."

Severus grinned. "I told you so."

"Well... Ginny and I, we had already broken up a year ago."

"Oh, don't tell me you didn't expect to get together with her again, because I won't believe you."

"I talked to her while you were in Azkaban, and we broke up once and for all."

"Why?"

"Ginny was a beautiful dream, but I was still too innocent when I fell in love with her. She hasn't seen the horrors I had to see last year; she doesn't know the darkness... I don't think she can understand... Anyway, now my heart belongs to another."

Harry's words warmed his soul, but Severus didn't know how to reply, how to react. Severus had been loved by his mother, surely, and by Albus, perhaps. People whom he had learnt to serve, in one way or another. Incredible as it might be, Severus knew how to serve; he also knew how to subjugate. But Harry wasn't there to serve or be served; Harry was there because he loved him, and that scared the hell out of Severus.

"Severus, I'm scared too," said Harry, green eyes boring into his.

Severus returned the intent look, surprised. Had Harry finally learnt Legilimency? No, it couldn't be that. Harry had only recognised in Severus the same emotions that assaulted him. Severus remembered that Harry had been an abused child, just like himself.

He reached out and squeezed Harry's hand with his own, silently.

"I don't mind if you only like me because of my mother," Harry whispered, almost inaudibly.

Severus froze. "Why are you saying that? Didn't you say you didn't believe what I said to you in Azkaban that day?"

"I didn't believe you didn't want me, but I think it's true that you..."

"That it's Lily I think of when I am with you? That's not true, Harry." Severus traced circular patterns on the back of Harry's hand. "Maybe when you were younger, Lily's eyes made me want to protect you, even if everything else in you reminded me of James Potter. Lily was a sweet obsession but, in a way, she only existed in my imagination." Severus pulled Harry by his hand, and Harry approached and sat on his lap, facing him. "But you, Harry... you are real."

"You never had anyone who was... real?"

Severus arched an eyebrow and smirked. "I am not a virgin, if that's what you are asking me." Seeing Harry blushing, Severus became serious. "I had a few relationships, with women and men. Some of them were illicit; others were not pleasant at all. With the life I lived, I could not have stable relationships. And I am not exactly anyone's dream."

"You're my dream, now. And I want to be yours, Severus."

Harry's last sentence could have two meanings. Severus chose to be optimistic and believe both were true.

 

~*~*~

 

 **Chapter 8 - In a Sweet Unrest***

 

Harry found himself Side-Along-Apparated by Severus to his bedroom. Severus laid him onto the bed, took off Harry's shoes and transfigured his bed into a king-size poster bed.

After removing his own shoes, Severus sat on the bed and took off Harry's glasses and robes. The look Severus cast over his body sent a jolt of warmth directly to his cock, leaving it half-hard. Severus stroked Harry's chest, looking at him in adoration, and started spreading bites across his ear, neck and chest. Hot wet stroking over his skin, then a warm mouth brushing his nipple... Unable to hold back, Harry guided Severus's head with his hands, and Severus mouthed the silky nub, sucking, biting, rolling his tongue over it.

Harry was melting. He knotted his fingers in Severus's hair and moaned. "Please..."

"Tell me what you want, Harry."

But Harry didn't know exactly what he wanted. "More..."

And Severus's lips traced warm wet spirals up around the other nipple, before closing around that tiny point. This time Severus scraped his teeth over it, very gently, making Harry squirm in delight.

When Harry thought he couldn't be more aroused, Severus's hands travelled down the side of his body, in a slow caress, and found his buttocks.

Harry lifted Severus's robes by the hem; Severus helped him take them off. Eager for more contact, Harry threw a leg up over Severus's and drew him closer, winding around him, only to feel Severus shudder and pull away.

"Harry, don't..."

Harry recoiled, embarrassed, sure he had done something wrong. "I'm sorry."

"Foolish boy. It's just that, if you do that again, I will not last much longer," said Severus, in a hoarse voice.

"Oh. I'm not going to last much, anyway. Not with you touching me like that," said Harry.

Severus sighed. "I had forgotten how it was to be eighteen..."

Then Severus moved lower, hot breath on Harry's stomach, velvet tongue circling his navel, flicking in an out, then sliding downwards, tracing a wet trail that stopped just...

"Oh, please, Severus!" Harry begged, raising his head and meeting Severus's predatory look.

"As you wish, Harry," said Severus, pushing down Harry's briefs and revealing his hard cock.

Severus knelt between his thighs and gripped the base of his cock. Harry let out a pleasure-filled cry. Severus's wet, warm lips covered the tip of his cock and started to slide down. Harry had never felt anything like this. He had never felt so much pleasure. He writhed and moaned and jerked his hips towards Severus as that skilful tongue touched his most sensitive vein. Harry held Severus's head tight, following his up and down movements, but when the tip of his cock touched Severus's throat, Harry couldn't hold back. The world splintered and fractured in a million glowing pieces, engulfing him in unending waves of pleasure.

Severus lay beside him again.

Harry snuggled closer. "That was amazing." Harry wanted to give pleasure to Severus too, but everything was so new to him, and he was afraid of ruining the moment. There was something that he could do, though. He covered Severus's lips with his own, and a new wave of lust flowed through him when he tasted his own essence in his lover's mouth. Severus wrapped an arm around his waist and rubbed gently against him.

Harry tore his lips away. "I want you... inside me," he whispered, feeling the heat gathering in his groin again when he saw the look on Severus's face.

"Harry, you are driving me insane."

Severus deft fingers explored his back and sides, curved around his buttocks, rubbed along his thighs.

Harry mirrored his touch, mapping Severus's back, squeezing his buttocks, revelling in the mere act of touching his lover. Severus still had his briefs on, however, and that would have to be changed.

"Take them off," Harry ordered impatiently, pulling Severus's briefs down.

Severus slid them down his legs. Seeing Severus's cock already leaking pre-come, Harry got fully hard again.

They started to move together, body to body, skin to skin. Severus's male, musky scent filled Harry's nostrils, intoxicating him. "Please, Severus... Now."

"It's your first time, isn't it?"

Harry nodded.

"I don't want to hurt you. I have to prepare you." Severus summoned his wand. He turned Harry face down, separated his legs and touched Harry's entrance with the tip of his wand. Harry heard him chant a spell similar to the healing spells Severus used to cast on him on their 'exorcism' days. "This spell will prevent any pain," Severus whispered in his ear. "But if you change your mind and want me to stop, you just have to tell me."

"Okay."

Harry felt Severus's finger slip between his cheeks and probe his entrance, very delicately. A shiver ran down his spine when the slender finger passed through the ring of muscle and entered him, but soon his muscles relaxed around it and the uncomfortable sensation gave place to a desire to be filled, to have more of Severus inside him. Severus asked him to kneel with his knees apart, and spent a long time preparing him with two fingers. When Harry began to feel impatient, Severus slid his tongue inside. Harry writhed and screamed in ecstasy. Finally, Severus removed his tongue and probed him slightly with the tip of his cock, blunt hard heat rubbing gently and slowly easing inside, just a little.

"Severus, I..."

Severus pulled away immediately. "Yes?"

"I want to see you while you... you know..."

"It's less comfortable, especially considering it's your first time. But if that's what you want..."

Severus let him turn around, then raised Harry's legs and placed them on his shoulders. Harry felt Severus entering him inch by inch. It was an indescribable feeling. There wasn't any pain at all, just the warm feel of being filled.

For a moment, Severus kept still, dark eyes boring into Harry's, full of desire, until Harry couldn't wait any more and lifted his hips to meet him.

"Ah..." Severus whimpered, holding Harry's hips firmly and thrusting towards him. Severus started to move in and out of him, first slowly and softly, then gradually speeding up his pace. Harry arched up at every thrust, wanting every inch of Severus inside him. Severus breath was coming in sharp, quick bursts, and his face reflected only desire, strain and concentration. Oh, he was beautiful, thought Harry. Suddenly Severus changed his angle, just a little, and a jolt of pleasure ran through Harry. Severus plunged deeper and harder into him, their bodies moving in perfect sync.

"Harry..." Severus let out a gasp that was half a sob, and that sound seemed to hit Harry right in his core. Hovering on the verge of consciousness, Harry felt Severus coming inside him while the world dissolved in a shower of light.

It was a while before Harry came back to earth and found himself lying underneath Severus in a pleasant tangle of arms and legs. For a long moment, he just lay there, savouring the warm feel of Severus on top of him.

"I'm crushing you," said Severus, finally coming back to himself and moving a little to the side.

"I was liking it," Harry complained.

Severus wrapped his arms around Harry, a sleepy look on his face. Harry nestled against his chest and held him close, and they drifted to sleep together.

 

~*~*~

 **Epilogue**

 

"While I waited for you to wake up, I had an idea. I'm going to sell my house in Spinner's End and open an apothecary."

The sun had already risen, but they were still in bed, pillow talking and making plans.

"You mean, selling potions?" asked Harry, running his fingers through Severus's soft dark chest hair.

"Yes. If I succeed, perhaps I can devote myself to research, which has always been my dream."

"If you teach me healing spells, we could be partners. I could help you, and you'd have more time to research." Harry looked at Severus in expectation. "I want to be a healer. You could have the ground floor and the cellar, and I'd have an office on the first floor."

"Your fame will attract many customers. Which is not an unfavourable factor." Severus cast him a suspicious glance. "You are going to charge for your services, I expect."

"Er..."

"You must understand that we live in a capitalist world. Don't ask me why we wizards have proved unable to build a less perverse system; the sad fact is that we haven't. You may find it very charitable not to charge, but in this case you will be stealing the work of many healers."

"Hm... I suppose you're right. I hadn't thought of it that way."

"It will not be easy, Harry."

"What will not be easy?"

"Living with me."

"Oh. I know."

"Have you ever thought about what your friends' reaction will be when they find out?

"They will have to live with it. And your friends too."

"My friends? I don't have friends."

"What about the Malfoys?"

Severus sighed. He wished Harry could understand what the Malfoys meant to him, but it was hard to explain. Lucius had protected him when he was a child; afterwards, in the darkest times of the Death Eaters, they had always protected each other. With all his flaws, Lucius had always been loyal to him. And Draco, in spite of his immaturity, was like a son to Severus. "Yes... Lucius will be released soon. I hope he can rebuild his life. Draco and Narcissa need him." Severus held Harry's right hand with his. "Would you make an Unbreakable Vow with me?"

Harry widened his eyes, and then grinned. "I'm shocked, Severus. This is Dark Arts. Like Hermione would say, nothing good can come from this."

"The Muggle marriage vows are not very different from an Unbreakable Vow."

"Are you asking me to marry you?"

"I don't know if you have noticed, but we are both wizards. There is no such thing as same-sex marriage in the Wizarding World, Harry."

"That is very wrong."

"I agree. However, no one can prevent us..."

"... From making an Unbreakable vow?"

Severus couldn't hold a smile. "No, impertinent brat. From destroying our lives staying together till death do us part."

"Oh, yeah. There must be a prophecy somewhere saying that. Like... 'Neither can live while the other survives'?

Severus glared at him. "We must have a serious talk about our relationship from now on. The first rule is: enough of prophecies!"

Trying to ensure he wasn't going to hear any other nonsense, Severus captured Harry's lips as if he would never let them go.

 

 **The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * From Keats's "Last Sonnet": _Awake for ever in a sweet unrest_...


End file.
